Okay. I am going to warn you that this blog post will be super cheesy and probably slightly weird. So you’re warned!
It’s been about two days since I posted for the first time on the blog. When I was writing and just after posting it I was so scared. I could barely eat and I had a headache. But at the same time, I was so proud of myself for posting about what I’m going through.
At that moment, it didn’t matter if anyone would read it. Or if it would help anyone. Of course, I want people to read about what I’m writing. What I’m living through. And it would be amazing if I could help someone. Show ANYONE that what they’re feeling isn’t some horrible thing. That they’re not alone!
When I was really struggling and on rock bottom I was so alone. I had my family but I felt like an outcast. Like I didn’t belong. There were so many times I wondered if I was adopted because I didn’t think I was like anyone in my family. And I talked to people online but it wasn’t the same. Plus it felt that most people were there when they wanted to be or when they needed something. Not when I needed them.
I was alone.
And if someone ever reads this that is struggling please know that I’ve been there. I’ve felt like there was no reason to get up in the mornings or even live. I didn’t feel understood or loved. By anyone. I understand. I’ve been there and still I am there at times.
I am lucky to have my mom and my best friend in my life. My two best friends. They are both completely amazing and so loving and supportive of everything. Including this. But there was a time when I didn’t have this.
And I am rambling and getting off topic!
The point of this entire blog was to thank you. Thank you! Now let me explain why I’m saying that because most of you will probably be wondering what I’m even talking about!
When I posted my first blog post I didn’t expect anyone to read it. I really wasn’t sure what I was doing when I sat down to write the first post. I just knew that this is something I have to do. I need to do! I couldn’t let it go.
I wouldn’t let myself continue to press refresh over and over again just waiting for views. Views that I’m sure I wouldn’t be getting.
I reasoned with myself. That I wasn’t going to give up. It’d take more than just one post for people to follow my blog. To be interested! I was so sure of this. That I spent the night off the computer watching some TV show that I can’t even remember!
And then yesterday happened. I woke up and logged onto my computer. I was almost in tears to see the views, the likes, the comment, the follows! I called Mackenzie. Slightly panicking. Slightly laughing. And seconds away from tears.
Even as I’m writing for I am so close to tears. You have no ideas how much it means to me. To even have one person read this.
So, thank you! And now I am going to work on another blog post. Not one where I’m cheesy!
I will fight and I will survive