Toxic Relationships

I think everyone has dealt with toxic relationships. The kind that you can’t seem to get away from but always leave you hurt. Maybe you’ve spent way too long crying. Wondering why.

Or maybe it’s just me…

I know I’ve had so many relationships that can be considered toxic. Mostly friendships since I haven’t dated a lot.

These relationships always wondering ‘What’s wrong with me?’ because something has to be wrong for someone to treat me like this over and over and over again.

I often feel used. It could be that they come to me when they need someone and have no one else to turn to. Or they could come to you when they need something. Doesn’t seem all that bad, does it?

Except when I need someone to talk to. Maybe I’m going through something and need to talk it out or just I just need to talk to someone. Not about anything but just talk. And these ‘Friends’ aren’t available. They’re too busy with their lives. Great!

I’ve had so many people in my life that I thought cared about me but the moment I needed a friend they were too busy. Couldn’t even answer my calls or texts. And it hurts. I always thought there must be something wrong with me. Because this is my normal. And it’s added to my depression in the past.

No, I’m not blaming other people for what I went through. What I continue to go through every single day. I honestly don’t think anyone is to blame. For me I believe this is just a package I was handed. I’ve learned from it. I know that no matter what is thrown at me that I can get through it. I am strong.

Now don’t go thinking that I don’t have bad days because I do. In fact, I’ve had a bad few weeks but with some good thrown in.

Things changed in my life several years ago. Because you see I met this really amazing person that goes by Mackenzie and we were basically instant besties. I never knew what a best friend was or what it meant to have one. Not someone who says they’re my bestie but acts like it. I know that is I need her I can call. Even if it’s the middle of the night and sound asleep she’ll answer. She’ll listen.

I always felt alone until I met Mackenzie. I could be a best friend but I didn’t really feel like I had best friends in return. I didn’t have anyone I could call in the middle of the night because my hearts breaking. Or in the middle of a panic attack. Mackenzie knows me better then I know myself. She supports me. She’d do anything for me. And I’ll do anything for her. That’s what being a best friend is about. At least to me.

So back to toxic relationships.

If you’re anything like me you’ve had plenty of them but you deal. You don’t tell someone when they are hurting your feelings. I always just tell myself that I’m being over sensitive. Because that’s me!

Here’s a secret. My dad told me that feelings and tears don’t matter.

This part is important. Especially to those who are struggling. Who feel alone. And especially for myself.

You are important. If there are toxic relationships around it’s okay to get away from it. No matter why it’s toxic.

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