I never thought I’d be writing anything about the person I am. Sharing it with anyone who happens to find this blog. Please be patient with me while I write down just some small pieces of the girl behind the screen.
Hi. My name’s Elizabeth and I will go by just about any nickname but my best friend calls me Ellie. I am my twentys and I live in California. I really am your average young adult who is just living her life.
Except I struggle everyday with depression and anxiety.
I don’t really talk about it with strangers. My family knows some of what I go through. Certain people more than others. But this isn’t something I am open about. Until now. I want to tell my story. Write down my tools. Maybe I can help someone. Or even help myself more than I’ve been.
I’ve dealt with my depression for as long as I can remember. That sounds weird. I just always remember not feeling “normal” like something is wrong with me. I wanted to be someone else. Thinking that everyone would be better off without me in their lives.
I first noticed feeling panicky when I was eighteen. I had been spending so much time in my home with just myself for company and internet friends, that going outside started getting harder and harder. Until this past year, I didn’t push myself try and get better so it got worse and worse. I often feel panicked. This ache in my chest, sick feeling in my stomach, and tears ready to start falling. I feel it when I’m even in one of my favorite places.
On this blog, I will share with you what I’m feeling, thinking, tools I am using, everything. Maybe you will be able to relate. I’m not sure.
Or maybe I can help you. Maybe I can be someone you can talk to.
I’m not sure. But I want to try and see what happens. Even though I have a sick nervous feeling in my stomach as I’m typing this.
A few more things I’d like to share with you guys. Who I am hoping is reading this!
I don’t share pictures of myself. Maybe one day but today is not the day. I’m sorry but I am not ready for that.
I push myself a lot. Despite my depression and anxiety, I have dreams. Dreams I will not give up on. Dreams that I will do everything I can to make them come true! And plans!
I am a dreamer.
I love being outdoors. Going for hikes. Going to the beach (Born and raised Californian here!). Going on day trips. Going to water parks. Laying in the sun and floating in the lake. Whatever! I love being out and about. My anxiety makes it so hard. I can’t do any of these things on my own.
I am told I have a big heart. I will become your best friend in a second.
Love is important to me. I pick it over anything else.
I believe that I can change the world. Even slightly. Don’t tell me that I can’t unless you want to break my heart and make me cry.
I cry really easily.
And soon I will be writing blog post to share with anyone who wants to read them